I've been back at work 4 days now. I can definitely see what things rattle me and set me off. Salty finance bitch... my coworker who talks too fast and runs around like the world is ending (the sweetest gal anywhere though), stupid people calling me with stupid questions.
Can't very well get away from stupid people, they're everywhere. Can't get away from annoying coworkers (nice or not) so it's just something I've got to deal with... but how without it setting me over the edge? It's these rattlings I heard in my head... not like a snake, cause I hate those, but more like a shaking and I feel like I have to clench down and hang on. I now recognize that as anxiety and the beginnings of hypomania. And I think I can start to see it coming and work on the mental fight.
This morning I had to do some deep breathing and nearly took a xanax, but I didn't need it after all. I started feeling some guilt about only pulling 1/2 my load at work right now, but then I talked to my other coworker (not the spazz) and feel better about that.
Bottom line is I just don't want to work FT anymore. I don't. Again Jay mentioned selling the house... we can't buy anything as nice as we have now unless we moved about 70 miles out from the city. Is that a sacrifice I'm willing to take? Not sure yet. I've got to find something that works with the school schedule... off by 2:30. There's got to be something out there.
I'm wiped out. Gonna go take a nap before I get the girls at 3:40. I'm pretty much only feeling depressed in the mornings before I get up. Then I'm feeling lots of anxiety around 5pm - dinner and homework time. See? The PT thing would help with that.
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